What They Carry
by aneas
Summary: D/S, he's been away and it's starting to take its toll, she's living her life but there always seems to be something missing. I don't own anything besides the plot, cwtv and the author own the rest.
1. The Young Man and The Sea

What we carry

Cold, it was so damn cold, that was seemingly the only thought he could force his mind to form. The cold and her…

She was with him always, even while he slept, no especially while he slept. He could never force her image from his mind, she was there consuming and surrounding his thoughts. The sound of a wave breaking against the hull snapped him from his pensive state and back into reality. He was here on this god forsaken boat with its ragged crew, where exactly he did not know, besides that it was somewhere south of the Cape of Good Hope. He had come here to run from something, something which he either no longer cared about or no longer remembered he did not know. In fact the only thing he did know was that he ached, he ached for her. Who was he to ache for her though? Hell he probably wasn't even a forgotten afterthought or glimmer of memory to her…

Quiet, it was so quiet that it consumed her, not just silence but a deafening quiet. Amidst the roar of silence fell a single tear as she read the letter, not just any letter but a letter from him. It had arrived weeks ago but she hadn't bothered to open it because she was afraid that what was happening right now would occur. It had come via air mail from some far off place she did not know how to pronounce, she had tried to forget, god she had tried so hard but she couldn't. Even as she leapt from the arm of one Manhattan bachelor to another, he was always there; he was the one she carried with her wherever she went.

He never slept for too long, maybe it was the rocking of the ship, maybe it was his dreams, but whatever it was that caused him to wake in the wee hours, really did give him a treat this morning as he wandered out onto the wooden deck of the ship. It was beautiful, the brilliant greens and blues of the _Aurora Australis_ or southern lights that greeted him as he looked up at them. A poem came to mind, one that seemed bittersweet given his history.

_on her pallid cheek and forehead came a colour and light,_

_As I have seen the rosy red flushing in the northern night_

The poem was the work of Tennyson, not one of his favorite poets but this seemed appropriate as he recited it. He remembered the way her face flushed red when he looked at her in his special way, and he couldn't help but be reminded of her when he saw those lights in the sky and he just stood there mesmerized by the oscillating waves in the sky, only after he had stood there for a good 20 minutes contemplating his life and the decisions he had made did he realize that he had not even bothered to pull on his coat when he came up on deck, his heavy fisherman's sweater was no longer enough to keep him warm as the prow knifed through the surface of the water, gliding amongst the monolithic mountains of ice as they were eerily reflecting the colors of the lights. As he hurried below deck he took one last look at the sky and felt a twinge in his heart, and he knew that someday, somehow he would, no he had too, see her again. He could only hope that it would be soon.

She slept through all five of her alarms the next morning, she woke up sometime after 11, but she just wanted to curl up with her pillow and sleep it all away, the pain after reading that letter, the sadness and guilt she felt, and the hangover, especially the hangover. She had lost it after reading his letter for the 15th or 20th time, grabbing a case of champagne and repeatedly watching cliché' filled Nicholas Sparks movies. Eventually she crawled out of bed and grabbed two aspirin and a tall glass of water; she quickly downed the pills with a long drag from the glass. Then she headed out to her favorite café to grab some comfort food and salt the day away in bed, as she was laying there, crying into her pillow her thoughts drifted away to him, what she'd done to him and what he'd done to her, all the way back to that day almost 3 years ago, there was nothing she wanted to do more than find him and make everything right, but the only thing she knew about his whereabouts was some unpronounceable African port and the final words of his letter, 

…_I don't think it's a good idea that we ever see each other again,_

_All the best, Dan_

And then it all faded away as she fell asleep still clutching his tear stained letter against her chest.

How could he be so stupid! He should have never sent that letter, now he had no chance of ever seeing or speaking to her again and it was all his fault, she was the one thing in the world that he wanted more than to run away from what had happened. God how could he have done that to her, even if she had never thought about him after he disappeared, his damn letter would dredge up old feelings and re-open deep wounds. He remembered the day he wrote it well,

_it had been an extremely hot day along the coast of eastern Africa and he had spent the entire day ashore at a hole in the wall getting drunk off of his rocker, he had seen a spotty television screen for a split second that seemed like an hour, BBC was coming through and a gossip show was on but he didn't hear any of it, all he could see was her, she looked stunning in a little black dress, and she was hanging off the arm of some European douchebag, who was no doubt completely loaded and maybe even a royal. What the hell why did he care? He barked at the bartender to turn it off and went back to his drink, he couldn't shake her though she looked good, hell she almost looked happy, almost, and he could see it in her eyes even if no one else could. Something was missing, there was emptiness where there used to be a light. So he scrambled around to find a pen and paper and started writing to her, he wasn't even sure what exactly but he took it back to the ship with him that night and continued to write. He eventually finished it late at night while lying restless in his bunk, he just had to add one last sentence and sign it…. He woke up the next morning to the sound of gulls and the smell of the salty sea, he arose from his bunk and took it into town to find an envelope and some postage luckily the bar owner had some, so Dan left it with him to mail and then returned to the ship mere minutes before they were to set sail._

As he sat there contemplating his actions all those months ago, a deep feeling of regret and sadness slipped over him as he walked up on to the deck, and stared out over the side trying to will a wave to come and take him, but alas none would and as he stepped back the tears started down his face and he just stood there, sobbing in silence, wanting nothing more than to just fade away into the night.

As is prone to happen in the south sea the weather quickly went from calm to a complete maelstrom in the blink of an eye. Dan manned his post at the wheel as the captain barked out orders in the face of the storm, the waves were in excess of 20 feet and crashed over the deck constantly as he tried to steer the ship away from the heart of the tumult, just as the bow cleared the top of one wave another came crashing in along the starboard side and slammed into the bridge shattering the tempered glass windows into millions of brilliant shards. The force of the water threw Dan off of his feet and into a steel bulkhead door; he could hear the sound of his ribcage cracking against the metal as he gasped for air. He stood up just in time to grab onto a beam as another wave crashed through the pilothouse. He slowly and laboredly made his way back to the helm, and tried to steer the ship for the nearest land which, by the looks of the GPS, was nearly 25 nautical miles north and east of their position he knew it would be alright if they could make it up to the cape of good hope, hope, what a splendid concept he thought as he drew a ragged breath while holding on for dear life to the wooden spokes of the ships wheel, maybe he didn't deserve hope. Why couldn't that wave just have capsized the ship he thought? He didn't deserve hope he just wanted to disappear to the world, he's have had his wish too if he hadn't owed the captain that money that had kept him on the boat in Crete, he could have gotten off and lived out his days on the Mediterranean seaside away from the world, finally in some sort of piece. A jolt of pain through his chest tore him back to what was left of his senses, the seas had started to calm as he had steered the boat to the north he was still relying on the wheel for support as everything started to fade, the last thing he remembered was thinking that maybe he had finally reached his peace, only now he knew that he had hurt her and that only made him wish for more pain ….


	2. For Whom the Ship's Bell Tolls

_There was a soft glow sneaking through the curtains of their apartment, Dan stretched his arms as he walked over to open the blinds, just before he did he turned and looked over towards the bed, the sheets disheveled and messed but still wrapping around and covering her form in a cocoon of 1000 thread count cotton. She looked peaceful, and as he watched her sleep he realized that that's what made him the happiest, her being happy and safe is what he lived to provide. He guessed that was a big part of love, as he moved the blinds aside the light flooded in the room and she began to squirm and hide underneath the blankets and pillows, she muttered for him to close the blinds again but he just went and sat next to her,_

"_Hey, good morning beautiful, it's time to get up"_

_She moved her head out from under a blanket and opened her big blue eyes_

"_But I don't want to; can't we just stay in bed all day?"_

_He ran his hand through her flaxen hair and sighed _

"_Baby, as much as I would love to spend all day talking or not talking with you in our bed, you and I both have a bunch of stuff to do today" _

_She contorted her face into a pout and flashed her baby blue puppy dog eyes at him, knowing he didn't stand a chance; he smiled and fell down next to her._

"_Alright I guess I can do another 20 minutes"_

_She smiled and pulled him into a kiss._

Everywhere around Dan seemed white and sterile, even the shallow electronic beeps seemed devoid of any depth as his vision cleared and sharpened he saw he was staring at one of those suspended cardboard ceilings that they had in older buildings that needed re-wiring. As he regained his wits the memory began to fade, it was replaced with a sense of regret over what had transpired. That memory had been the last morning that they had been happy. Aside from the memories his head was in a fog and his entire upper body felt like he had been run over by a freight train, as he looked around a woman in a nurse's uniform walked in and set his bed up so he was at least sitting up, she explained to him that he was at a hospital in Cape Town, South Africa and that he had been brought here by the captain of the ship, apparently Dan had collapsed after steering the boat out of a south sea storm and was being treated for his injuries here. The nurse went and fetched a doctor, who could better explain Dan's injuries to him.

She walked around the apartment they had once shared, the marble floors she had so badly wanted felt cold against her feet in fact the entire place felt cold and unwelcoming today she thought, and if she was honest with herself it had felt that way for a while. She sat down in front of the TV and flipped it on to a morning news channel as she sat back into the plush sofa and pulled her robe tighter around herself. Nothing much was on just a human interest piece about rash of shipwrecks off of South Africa after a string of particularly nasty storms, and how one boat had come out of the last one barely limping into Cape Town still afloat. They had interviewed the captain and he said it was miraculous how his first mate had saved the ship and crew, the heroic crewman was American, though she didn't catch his name. Not that any of it really mattered anyway she had more important things, and people on her mind.

Dan walked out of the hospital into the bright South African sun; he had to go see the captain before they finished repairs in port. When he got to the dry dock the captain was there waiting for him,

"Thought you might come here" the captain huffed in between sips of his scotch

"Where else am I supposed to go? I still owe you a lot, probably more now"

"Well let's see, you saved my boat, my crew, and my life. I think that makes us even, your hospital bills are covered plus a bit of extra money"

To say this revelation surprised Dan would be an understatement he stood there dumbstruck and just stared at the captain.

"Tha.., thank you sir" Dan managed to fumble out as he extended his hand to shake the captains

The older man took Dan's hand in his and shook it, before withdrawing it into his coat and fishing out a white envelope

"Here's your last check, it should be enough for a ticket back to the states plus some walking around money. Now get out of here before I change my mind son"

A great smile grew across Dan's face as he took the check

"Yes sir, and thank you"

"For what?"

"For not letting me get off in Crete"

"Why the hell would I have? you owed me half the value of my damn boat"

"Just thank you"

And with that Dan left the seaside and went to make his way for the airport, he had someone he needed to see…


	3. A Farewell to Her Arms

As he walked into the terminal at the Capetown airport his head was filled with what he was going to say to her, would he tell her he still loved her? That he had never stopped? How could he do that after what he had written? As he walked up to the airline desk he asked the attendant for the next available flight.

"Well there is a flight leaving in two hours sir, will that do?"

"Yeah that'll work" Dan quickly retorted

After booking his seat Dan paid with the money his captain had given him, the ticket used all but 500 or 600 dollars of his savings from the last 15 months, but he knew that no matter the price it would be worth it, even if she screamed, yelled, even if she just told him to fuck off. There was one thing that he wasn't sure he could handle, crying, he could never bear to see or hear her crying, even back when they were in high school it absolutely tore him apart.

By this time Dan had made his way through security and was waiting near his gate when he heard the announcement

"… now boarding, Etihad flight 20035 to New York JFK, with a connection at Paris Charles de Gaulle…"

Wow Dan thought, was the world conspiring to torture him, or was it coincidence that he had to go through her favorite city on his way home where he may never be able to get her back. The flight to Paris was a restless one for Dan, and he knew the one home to New York would be worse as they touched down on Parisian soil, he felt a sense of foreboding building inside of him, he didn't know he would handle being in the place where it had all ended for them.

Dan skulked most of the layover away in the airport bar, drinking to distract himself from thinking about the last time he was in Paris…

"…_Dan, maybe we shouldn't get back on that plane together."_

"_What the hell Serena! why not?"_

"_I just don't think I want to be with you anymore and I think it would be best if we weren't on the same plane back, or that you came to see me after you get back."_

"_Fuck Serena, I can't believe what I'm hearing, why are you doing this? Why here? Why now?"_

"_JESUS CHRIST DAN! I think you fucking know damn well why." _

"_I love you Serena, have since the day I met you, and I always will. I'm forever yours"_

"_Yeah well I don't love you anymore, maybe we can be friends in the future but not right now, I need to be away from you for a while"_

"_Bye"_

_And with that she walked into the gate and out of his life, presumably for good. What Dan didn't see was that as she walked her face was flooded by wave after wave of tears._

As Dan was walking back toward the gate he saw a row of high end boutique jewelry stores, he decided to spend the last of his money on a gift so he walked into the Harry Winston shop.

"ahh what may I help you with today sir?"

"Just looking for a gift today monsieur."

"Well sir I may be able to help more if you tell me who you are shopping for"

As Dan looked up to speak to the salesman he saw a very familiar face looking back at him from an advertisement across the store

"Her" Dan managed to choke out as he pointed at the picture of Serena

"ahh, and are you one of our spokeswoman's many suitors?"

"No…, just an old friend"

"Well did you have anything in mind for Ms. Van Der Woodsen?"

"something small, I would love if it had a snowflake or anything winter-y on it"'

"Well if you would follow me we do have a few things matching that description"

The salesman, who had introduced himself as Jacques, led Dan to a small case near the back of the store. As soon as he saw it he knew he had to get it for her, it was a small diamond brooch that featured two Christmas doves, one with a small sapphire for an eye, the other with a garnet, grasping a ribbon, centered between the doves was a small snowflake.

"I'll take that"

"A great choice sir, it's beautiful"

"Yeah, it is just like her"

"How will you be paying today?"

Knowing the Harry Winston name didn't come cheap Dan took a second to ponder that question himself.

"err, hadn't thought about that, I guess I could do a payment plan through your New York location, how big does the down payment need to be?"

"Around $500 dollars sir"

Dan pulled out his wallet and picked out the last of his cash to give to Jacques.

"Here it is all I have "

"You sure that she is just an old friend? Not many friends would spend their last dollar for a random gift"

"Yeah well she's very special to me"

"Okay just fill out this paperwork here and you can get on your flight"

"Thank you thank you very much" Dan said as he turned and left the store

"You're very welcome I'm sure Serena will love it" Jacques called as Dan was making his way down the hallway.

"You know her?" Dan called back, with a look of unbridled surprise on his face

Jacques just stood there and smiled at Dan before turning back into the store.

Dan got on the plane virtually penniless, semi-drunk and buoyed by the day's events, he was going to step into New York armed with a Harry Winston box and his heart on his sleeve.

The second flight went faster; somehow Dan even managed to sleep most of the way across the Atlantic…


	4. New York, New York

A loud buzz woke Dan early this December morning, as he lazily turned over to slap the snooze button on his alarm he caught a glimpse of the small black box that he had bought in Paris, he had been back for two weeks and hadn't even so much as called her to let her know that he was back, Christmas with Rufus and Lily had been merciful, for she spent it out at some lavish party, while he dined with the family before leaving to drink away his demons at an old haunt, one thankfully owned by his step brother, the bartender didn't bother kicking him out he just called Chuck to send him on his not so merry way, it had been like that ever since he got back he had been lucidly sober for maybe 24 hours he entire time he had been back, (most) job interviews excepted, He hated himself for not having the courage to even call her and explain his letter, at least tonight would provide another event where drinking himself silly would not appear out of place, Nate was throwing a "lost new year" party with chuck that he was , for once, invited to. He threw the box in a night stand drawer and clapped his hand down on top of the alarm to allow him a few more moments of peace before venturing out into the city on yet another stressful day of job searching, maybe today it would be better, not likely, but just maybe.

By the time he had showered, shaved, and gotten dressed for his first appointment it was well passed his intended 9am departure time, it was for an editing position at some big publishing house with a friend of The Captain's, one of the few he still had, and Nate had been able to convince his father to get Dan an interview. Thankfully the traffic from Brooklyn to mid-town was light; it was after all in the early morning of New Year's Eve. He met with a curt older gentleman for about two hours and by the time he walked out he had a job, albeit and entry level editing position, at one of the city's biggest publishers. It wasn't exactly what he had in mind for a formerly bestselling author, but it paid well and gave him the hours he wanted with opportunity for overtime.

A soft beep and the smell of freshly roasted coffee wafting through her penthouse apartment woke Serena Van Der Woodsen early this morning, she had things to do, a party to get ready for, and an old spark to squelch. Thankfully she knew exactly how do it, one of the few perks of having a salacious stepbrother she thought. She looked through her massive walk in closet in what had been _their place, _and pulled out a little black dress hemmed entirely too high and cut way to low in the front and back, that should get the boys attention, not that she needed any help in that department, satisfied with herself she laid out the shard of satin and cotton then went to shower and prepare for her day.

By the time he met Nate for lunch his mind had already drifted back to her and his long repressed feelings, in fact he spent the first half of the meal awkwardly picking his once-best friend's mind on the subject.

"I dunno man I just can't get her out of my head, it's like I have a sickness and the only medicine that works is booze"

"Oh that would explain the 4-martini lunch we're having"

"Yeah sorry about that, I must be a complete mess right now, this weekend is gonna _actually_ kill me" a slight chuckle escaped Dan's lips with this thought

"nah you're holding yourself together just fine, besides chuck told me about your late night forays to his speakeasy, I guess being at sea for the better part of 3 years upped your tolerance a bit, you might actually be able to keep up for once"

"Oh we got a big talker eh?"

"well if you can back it up it's not just talk, anyways back to your subject, a very wise and slightly depraved mutual friend of ours once told me that the best way to get over one girl is to get on top of another one, now I know your situation is a bit different but you might try giving it a shot, not like anyone outside of our party is ever going to know about it if you crash and burn"

"Alright that sounds good I'll at least give it a good try, anything to get her out of my head…"

"Well now that we've covered that topic let's eat and then get to forgetting this weekend ever happened"

"Guess we started a bit early"

And with that the rest of their meal passed by with Dan and Nate swapping stories of what they had done over the time Dan was away, the spectator was now one of the largest online news sources on the eastern seaboard, Nate had dated and dumped a slew socialites and models, just like him to be carving a one man path through the young attractive female portion of the City's elite.

She had one call to make before heading out for the party her mother was expecting her at, she wouldn't stay long of course, for she had a different idea of where she was going to spend New Year's Eve than Lily, and a _much_ different idea of what she was going to be doing. The call of course, was to her longtime best friend and personal love counselor

"Hey B, I really need to talk to you about something important so if you could spare liiike 2 seconds that would be great"

"Of course hun, anything for you, what's up?"

"it's him again I can't get what he wrote in that letter off of my mind, it's eating me up inside and I don't know what to do, I'm crashing Nate and Chuck's thing tonight so the heavy consumption of alcohol is already happening, any other ideas to help?

"well, I'm not exactly sure that getting shitfaced is gonna help that much, but that's a lecture for another day… umm one thing I can think of is what worked out, relatively, well for me. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another one"

"I thought you might say that I already have the perfect dress picked out"

"oooh which one?"

"That slinky little black Alexander McQueen dress I got in London last month"

"Yeah finding a rebound guy shouldn't be a problem in that napkin"

"I didn't think so"

"And you might be interested to know that Nate said that an old friend that just got back into town is coming, maybe that's your guy"

"Well he just might be" a mischievous smile crept across her features at the mention of a mystery man she might meet tonight

With that she ended their quick little consult and changed into her dress for the night and headed over to meet Lily and Rufus at their party for her quick appearance.

By the time Nate and Dan returned from their lunch turned pre-game for the weekend the party in chuck's penthouse at the empire was already in full swing, their magnanimous host greeted them warmly and with a $300 dollar bottle of scotch for each of them.

"Boy's this is your penalty for being late, you must finish these fine examples of highland single malt before partaking in any of the other festivities, including the ladies."

Nate and Dan looked at each other with ever widening grins before clanking the bottom of the bottle together and diving right in, each knew they were in for a night they would never remember.

A few hours passed before a loud knock came to the door of Chuck's Dionysian festival, a random guy stumbled over to the door and answered it, as he opened it he saw the longest sexiest pair of legs imaginable connected to a tall blonde who stumbled in the door and wanted to see a guy she called "natie"


	5. A Tender Kiss in the Night

Chuck saw her first

"Nate we might have a problem"

"Like what this is the king of lost weekend's nothing could ruin it" Nate managed to utter through a heavy makeout session with a petite brunette Chuck didn't know.

"This problem might do that"

"What the fuck could it be that would ruin all of this?" he said after detaching himself from the brunette for long enough to face chuck"

"Her" chuck said as he pointed to Serena flirting with multiple guys, whilst looking around for someone.

"Oh, shit"

"Yeah oh shit, this situation might go nuclear"

"Three years without a word to each other could do that to people, especially them. Hell I don't think she even knows he's back"

"You go get her I'll find my dear step brother and corral him temporarily, meet back after they're locked in different rooms for now"

"deal"

As Nate made his way over to her Chuck quickly grabbed Dan and locked him in a bedroom

"dude what the fuck is this"

"shut up and wait in here for now"

"why ?"

"you don't need to know right now"

"the fuck I don't"

"stay in here for 20 minutes, and enjoy my private liquor collection, or leave now and never comeback to another one, your choice"

"fine I'll wait if it's so important goddamnit"

And with that chuck twisted the lock and pocketed the keys

Across the packed apartment Nate had finally managed to get Serena away from the throngs of guys and into one of the many spare bedrooms.

"NATIE!"

"Serena, what the hell are you doing here?"

"oh you know I just wanted to spend NYE with my frrriends and not thinkinnng about my stuupiiiddd exx boyfriend"

"Jesus Christ you're already hammered"

"yeah inn't that the popoint of these things, to forget? Well I wanna forget that danniamal humphphery ever existed" the striking blonde pouted

"well wait in here a sec while I talk to Chuck okay? There's champagne in the cooler if for some reason you feel like getting more drunk"

"thank you natiiiieee"

Nate left to find chuck after making sure the lock was securely fastened

"so, chuck we might not have a problem after all"

"how do you figure that, are you daft?"

"Well she's just here to drink and party, and she's already pretty drunk, and you saw Dan, he's absolutely hammered out of his mind, he's through 2 bottles of champagne by himself and a small distillery of scotch, there's no way either of them recognizes the other one in this throng" he said pointing out across the nearly 500 people squashed into the main area of chuck's penthouse

" yeah I guess you're right what's the point of kicking either one out at this point, just release them into different parts of the zoo, just for good measure"

So Dan and Serena were released out onto the makeshift dance floor of the penthouse living room separately and as far apart as possible, but sometimes there's just no stopping fate.

After being freed from his temporary holding cell Dan headed into the mass of sweaty bodies to find the girl he had been getting frisky with before Chuck had rudely interrupted them, to his dismay she was nowhere to be found, luckily at that moment he spied just what he was looking for, the hottest girl in the room, some blonde wearing an inappropriately tiny dress, so he grabbed a bottle of rum from Chucks private stash an headed over to introduce himself, as he got closer he couldn't shake the feeling that he recognized her somehow, probably just the scotch talking he thought, as he ambled over he could hardly hear himself think over the pounding beats of the music, some club mix Nate probably found. As he caught her eye another pang of familiarity his him and they started talking he introduced himself as a friend of Nate and Chuck's but she must have heard his name as Dave because she kept calling him that, oh well not like he was looking to start anything serious with her anyway so he didn't care, her name was Sara and she seemed to want to do nothing besides drink party and heavily flirt with him.

She had been dancing, talking, and really heavily flirting with Nate's mystery friend Dave for nearly 20 minutes before she decided to take initiative, how hard could it be for this guy to take a hint she wanted him, so what if he called her Sara she didn't care, she just needed a guy to be with for the night to get over Dan. Finally she just turned around and took charge of the situation herself, she grabbed his hands and put them dangerously low on her hips and started kissing him with all the passion and lust she could muster. That seemed to do the trick because he kissed back before pulling away and asking if she wanted to go somewhere quieter, finally the night was going somewhere!

Well this night was just getting better, first he got to raid chuck's booze and now he was going to finally get over Serena with the hottest girl he had ever seen, frankly he was amazed that she had slipped past Nate's radar and found her way to him. So he took her hand and led her to the room that chuck had locked him in earlier and sat down next to her on the bed still attached at the mouth with the mystery blonde.

Well either this guy was getting lucky at pushing all of her important buttons or he was damn good, she didn't care she just wanted him to stop torturing her with every touch. There was just one thing bothering here he kept calling her Sara, it was beginning to annoy her and now that it was quieter she could tell him her name properly.

"hey, stud holllddd up for a sesec"

"haha youureeee as drunkake as me, wawhat ishhh itttt?"

"you keep calling me sasara, that's nott realaly my name"

"ohh sshashitt, myy bbadd, but you keep calling me something wrong too, I'm na not named daveve what is youraa name?"

"well I'm sasorry, my nameee iss serena, Ser-een-aaa"

"ohh fuuuck"

"what isis it? You don't likeke my nameeee?"

"no its jussttt that my exxx is named sererenaaa, I'm Dan, D-A-N, by the wayay"

"hahaa ohhh shiiiit, my ex is named dannn"

"No wyayay, thatttts wei…."

"wait are you Serena Van Der Der Woodesonn?"

"yeah! How'dd you knowww"

"ittts mee your dannn"

"ohhhh…." The blonde turned away and started to cry while dan just sat there a lotta drunk and a little stunned

"I' sa soo sorry for what I wrowrote in that notete, I never stopped loving you, I' nevever will"

"I knowww me neneither" she choked through her sobs and waves of tears

" I feel like a compaplete asssholle, I'mm gonna leaveee now…"

" no danny don't I wan' you to stay, I missssed you…"

"arere you suree? I wrote sosome pretty terrublle thingagaggs"

"more sure than I haveve been of anything guyay relalated in a while"

" okay I'll stay we haveve a lot to talalk abbbouuttt"

So Dan sat back down next to the blonde, she was no longer some mystery girl, but the women he had, and still, loved more than even life itself.

Meanwhile outside of the insular bubble of that room a troubled Nate found Chuck

"hey man have you seen either Dan or Serena?, I can't find either of them"

"Nah man I suppose they each found someone to spend the night with, we'll find out in the morning where they ended up"

"Yeah I guess, what's the worst that could happen?"…

The rest of the night passed without much event out of the ordinary for a Chuck Bass New Year's party, except for behind a locked door in a darkened guest bedroom a very broken up couple shared a small kiss a midnight, which only one of them would remember in the morning.


	6. in the still of the morning after

The rays of sun shone through the windows, bringing a harsh open to 2012 for Dan Humphrey, last night's binge was having its effect on his morning. His head felt like Mickey Mantle had used it for batting practice he started to squirm to wake himself up when he noticed the blonde in the tiny cocktail dress sleeping with her head on his chest and it all hit him at once, the memories form last night, the flirting, their conversation, and the kiss…

She felt something strong and warm move beneath her head, she buried her head deeper in his chest as the sun broke through the window, her head was pounding like the bass from last night's music, besides that last night was a blank she didn't remember much after Nate locked her in that room by herself. She lifted her head to see where she had ended up at the end of the night as her eyes focused on the man she was laying with her heart stopped all she could must was a quiet squeak.

"Dan?"

"Oh hey, good morning"

"How? Why? Are you, no, why? Are we here?"

"You don't remember, last night, the party, our talk none of it?"

"No, the last thing I remember is Nate grabbing me and locking me in a bedroom"

"Odd, chuck did the same to me; you really blacked out all of last night?"

"Yeah it's just blank, what happened?"

"Well after we got released by the terrible twosome, we mistook each other for rando's and we started to hook up, eventually we figured out who we were, and then we talked for a while about stuff, and I feel really bad about this last part now, we kissed at midnight."

Dan trailed off still holding the gaze of a pair of very confused, very blue eyes.

"Why do you feel bad about kissing me?"

she couldn't help it that was the first thing that came to her mind, not that they talked and apparently it went well, but why did he feel bad, and why did it hurt so much to hear him say that?

"I guess it feels like I mighta been taking advantage of you, and I would never do that"  
>"Dan you were just as drunk as I was judging by your scent, unless eau de brewery is your new favorite cologne"<p>

"I know I guess it just didn't seem right to me"

Her heart melted all over again as the words fell out of his mouth, hell he was just as drunk as she was, yet he was the one apologizing. As she thought about what he'd been saying a huge smile crept across her face, she tried to hold it back but she couldn't, she felt lucky that somehow fate had brought them back together.

"I always loved that smile, even though it never came out enough"

A comfortable silence settled upon them as they lay there basking in the bliss and nursing hangovers before a soft buzz shattered the reticence. As Dan retrieved his phone from his pocket he silently cursed whomever was texting him, it only got worse when he saw who the message was from.

_Dude where are you, Chuck and I have been up for hours._

_-Nate_

"oh that's great"

"what, who was the text from?"

"Nate, wondering where I am"

"shit"

"yeah, this is just gonna look great , especially considering some advice I got from him yesterday"

"wait what do you mean by that we didn't do anything?"

"yeah, but I've been feeling pretty down these last couple weeks, so he kinda told me the best way to get over someone, was to get on top of someone else"

"haha"

there it was again her signature four year old laugh, this was a special kind of torture.

"what?"

"blair told me the exact same thing, hence the obscenely small dress"

"I was wondering about that, thought you mighta lost a fight with a pair of scissors or something"

She told him to shut up as she playfully punched him in the chest

"Oww what was that for?"

"oh please suck it up I didn't hit you thaaaat hard, and it was because you were making fun of my dress"

"okay fine I take it back, and for the record you do look amazing in that dress"

"that's more like it, thank you"

"well I'm guessing that unless I show my face sometime soon Nate is gonna send out a search party for me so I think we're gonna hafta get up pretty soon here"

"not lookin forward to that, chuck is gonna be intolerable"

"no kidding, might as well do it together, you know put up a united front"

"absolutely"

The morning sun was fully flooding through all the windows of the penthouse when Nate Archibald about choked on his bloody mary when he saw who was emerging from one of the rooms…


End file.
